JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Last week, I did what every decent Chicagoan has done:

I was an audience member of the Jerry Springer show.

When I tell people this, their reactions range from, "OH wow! Awesome!" or, "Uh, why?" and my favorite, "Was their mud-wrestling between a trailer park family?"

Was it awesome? Not really. I expected much more than I got, to be honest. To say it was unscripted would be like saying Jerry Springer features intelligent, moral content - both are extreme lies. Before the show began, Jerry came out and greeted the audience and did a small stand-up routine, basically. His humor reminds me of those dad's that your friends have; The dads that tell the most obnoxious and lame jokes but since they're your friend's dad and you feel the need to be polite, you act like you've never heard anything more funny when they tell them. He made puns and corny jabs that did bring on a few chuckles, but nothing side-splitting.

The topic for the show I saw was "Revenge" and featured three different story lines. The first was the story of a lesbian woman that caught her girlfriend cheating on her with the girlfriend's ex-boyfriend and the father of the girlfriend's child (still with me?). For payback, the woman beat up the ex-boyfriend's car with a baseball bat and painted random phrases all over it. She then brought out her girlfriend and made her beg for forgiveness, and act like a dog (which she did). When they brought out the ex-boyfriend, the woman said he wasn't man enough for her girlfriend and that's why she left him for her. He then proceeded to claim that he was 'plenty man enough' and stripped down to his - yes his - bra and panties. It was... a sight.

The next story featured a woman who caught her boyfriend cheating on her with the woman down the street (they used a more negative term) and then recorded it. She finds the video featuring the couple as well as scuba-diving equipment, football pads, and everyone's favorite, a potato. The woman called out the cheating boyfriend and his mistress. After a shouting match, the woman and the mistress got into a famous Springer catfight, which drew cheers at the command of the producer.

The final storyline was that of a small, southern family. The father wanted his daughter's lazy boyfriend to move out of their house. His wife, the girl's mother, thought he was being too harsh. The boyfriend thought the father was ruining their lives and decided to tackle him, which lead to a fist fight in which the father actually bled (which was probably the most real aspect of the whole show).

During all three stories, the audience was under the command of the producer. He told us when and what to cheer, when to boo, when to sit, and when to stand. After an hour, being treated like the girlfriend from the first storyline got old. It got to the point where my friends and I mouthed even the famous, "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" chant.

So to answer the "Uh, why?" question, I mostly went because my friends had an extra ticket and begged me. I also thought it would at least be an experience and something I can tell people I did. Who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky and someone will see me chanting and screaming furiously and decide that I should have MY own talk show? If so, I can assure you it won't be anything like Jerry's show.

Comments

[Jeffrey]

I cannot believe you did that...but that is what awesome story nevertheless.